Step 1: The Safety Pause

Stop the momentum.

☐ Do not call, text, email, or post about the hearing immediately.

☐ Avoid re-reading messages, filings, or notes from court right now.

☐ Delay any decisions until your body settles.

Why?? Your brain is currently prioritizing survival, not logic. Decisions made here are often reactive.

Step 2: Regulate the Body First

☐ Take a slow walk outside (movement processes adrenaline).

☐ Drink cold water or splash cold water on your face (activates the vagus nerve).

☐ Sit somewhere quiet with both feet flat on the ground.

 ☐ Take 10 slow breaths (make the exhale longer than the inhale).

Tell your nervous system the threat is over.

Step 3: Separate Facts From Feelings

Grab a piece of paper or your notes app.

Make two columns:

Column A: The Facts

 ☐ What orders were actually made?

☐ What issues were continued?

☐ What are the next dates/deadlines?

Column B: The Feelings

 ☐ Anger / Rage

 ☐ Relief

☐ Fear / Anxiety

☐ Disappointment

Sorting this helps your body handle the process.

Step 4: The Reality Check

Manage the spiral of "What ifs."

Ask yourself:

☐ What did the court actually decide today?

☐ What did the court not decide yet?

☐ What remains unchanged for my child right now?

Avoid mind-reading the judge, predicting the final outcome, or re-arguing the hearing in your head.

Step 5: The "Doorway" Check

Before opening the door to your home or picking up your child, check:

☐ Am I calmer than I was an hour ago?

☐ Can I speak neutrally about today if asked?

☐ Can I avoid sharing adult details or emotional unloading?

The Script (If your child asks):

"The judge is still learning about our family. You are safe, and the adults are handling it. Now, what do you want for dinner?"

Step 6: The No-Escalation Rule (First 24 Hours)

Protect your legal standing.

 ☐ No confrontational communication with the other parent.

☐ No new demands, ultimatums, or threats.

 ☐ No re-litigating the hearing via text/email.

Why: Post-hearing escalation is common in high-conflict cases. Opposing counsel looks for this to claim you are "unstable," no matter what the truth is or how right you are. Listen to your attorney, don't give them the evidence.

Step 7: Reclaim One Normal Thing

Signal to your brain that life continues.

☐ Cook a familiar meal.

☐ Watch a comforting show.

☐ Spend quiet time with your child (reading, playing).

☐ Go to bed early.

Step 8: Deferred Processing (Wait 24 Hours)

Once you have slept on it:

☐ Write down any questions for your attorney that have arisen during the time processing.

☐ Note what you want clarified regarding the orders.

☐ Identify next steps calmly.

Step 9: When to Seek Extra Support

Reach out if you notice:

☐ Panic or numbness lasting more than 24 hours.

☐ Uncontrollable urges to send impulsive messages.

☐ Difficulty performing basic care for yourself or your child.

Reminder: A court hearing is an event; it is not a measure of your worth as a parent. Protecting yourself after court is one of the most important things you can do for your child.